Little puzzle for you guys

What do I do in this position? (I am white)

Opponent is trash talking my haircut, what do (i am main character)

Anarchy Chess discord makes a groundbreaking discovery on Magnus

What do I do in this position? (I'm commenting)

What do I do in this position? (I’m commenting)

What do I do in this position? (I'm googling en passant)

What do I do in this position? (I'm having a sexual intercourse with your mother)

This guy has beaten me 15/15 times with weird moves before explaining me how to play. Please help.

Magnus Carlsen and Maurice Ashley

Can anyone tell me why this is an innaccuracy?

What about it?

it seemed obvious to create a pawn thats in passing