Hot dong

blushed bright red like a dysfunctional fire hydrant

I have no idea what this even means.

"I'd rather have such stones flowing down my urinal track rather than to the place where it says evolve under the first ancient egg." I don't think we need any more context

He doesn't look very bear like

Average Trump voter, courtesy of the New York Times

OP gets a tan

redneck dominated hellhole that elected a bobble heading

I love me some gorilla soufflée

Well I'll be happier than a tick on a hemorrhoid.

A pay wall...