Found this thing on my desk and I have no idea what it is and it won’t come off

What about it?

Looks like it screwed up the stain or made it melt off in a weird pink color It’s not bubble gum because I haven’t had that in months

Just opened my car door to get the groceries out.. well...

Damn

What about it?

Guess I'm not using the stove tonight

Spilled hot coffee during a drive, ran the curb, hit a wall, burst a tire, and it's not even my car

Someone drove a U-Haul into my bedroom.

What about it?

Came home to this. Apparently had happened 3 hours prior but no one had bothered to contact me. Driver “lost control,” drove through a gate of a storage facility across the street and into my apartment. Thankfully wasn’t home- hole is right where my bed was.

Cut my thumb using electric pruning shears

Nickleback didn't make the music category

If this is true I’m never going to be able to retire.

What about it?

Even 2.5 million dollars isn’t enough? I’m screwed.

The only drawer in my kitchen.

I just wanted a can of coke with my lunch today.☹️

Well, shit...