My first 1000 of karma

a bird on my deck last week

Correct, my skeleton is considerably larger.

This is toilet paper

I found a dead wasp at work.

Breaking news…

I have gum and you don't.

Fun fact, I like to chew the whole thing in one go

I found a bottle with roots in it

this random redditor did not get the joke

I am sitting down

I know how to pilot this aircraft but I have no idea how to drive a car.