What do I do in this position? My client said he didn't like his new haircut (I'm the barber)

What do I do in this position? (I'm Mike)

Holly hell (I am lost)

Holy hell

Best religion

Should I sacrifice my towers to start a huge attack (I'm american)

Where are the funny chess players

Doogle en passant

Help, My king is depressed!! (I’m a lifeguard)

Red to move and mate in one

Fellas, I think limiting the alphabet to only letters is pretty rude to the r/anarchychessnumberloverscommunity (trust me bro its real) so fellas... 1 is for...