Man, I stumbled into the kitchen at 3 a.m., craving some grub, when I caught these weird-ass moans leaking from the next room.
So, I parked myself by the door and started groaning like a damn zombie, just to let my old man and mom know I’m sick of their midnight bullshit.
Next thing I know, my dad bursts out, bare-ass naked, and lays into me with a fuckin’ beatdown. Shit, that hurt! ?
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Back when I was just a tiny tot, I had this wild notion that the longer the poem I belted out to Santa Claus, the more loot I’d score. So, picture this: a 6-year-old me, standing there, reciting a freaking 30-minute epic chunk from Nekrasov’s “Who Can Be Happy and Free in Russia.” I’m pouring my heart out, expecting a damn treasure trove. And what do I get? A lousy stuffed toy and a measly lollipop. Screw you, Santa, you cheap bastard!
#santasucks #childhooddisappointment #epicfail #russianliterature
