What do I do in this position? Im Grandmaster btw

What do I do in this position (I'm Magnus Carlsen)?

What do I do in this position? (I'm Dr. Eggman)

Why are they posting En passant in a minecraft subreddit. Are they stupid?

Why is this brilliant?

Holy hell!

They added en passant??

What should I do in this position? (I am a “why is this brilliant” poster)

I was going to brick the coach's PIPI until i realized im dumb

New update just dropped. What do you think the new peice will be called?

I played 1. e3! How is this a great move?

Is there a lore reason this puzzle is undoable? Is Chess.c*m stupid?