So, my buddy’s apartment building was basically a damn playground for junkies who’d ride the elevator like it was some twisted carnival ride, always trying to corner us. Just the other day, these pathetic losers got themselves trapped in that very elevator, screaming their lungs out, “Help! Save us! We’re stuck in this freaking shower!” And, get this—they pissed all over the damn place in panic! 🤣

#junkies #elevatorfail #wtf #screwed

So, I hooked up with this chick from some vino joint, and during our first meet-up, we were making out hard in my ride.
She threw out this flirty line like, "Wanna slip a finger in me?"
So, I pulled a fast one and shoved my finger up her nose, just messing around.
Big mistake—shit got awkward, no action happened, and then boom, she blocked my ass.

#hookupfail #awkwardmoment #blocked #savage

While I’m banging a chick, my mind’s usually off in la-la land, thinking about the most random crap. Last time, for instance, I was racking my brain trying to remember if they toss pickled cucumbers into that shawarma I scarfed down twice before.

Guess this weird-ass distraction pays off, ‘cause I last way longer in the sack, and she’s always blown away, wondering how the hell I keep going like a damn energizer bunny.

#randomthoughts #sexlife #distraction #wtf