If you don't believe in climate change, move to Arizona right now and try to live

When my ex who wants to be "best friends" texts me saying she misses me.

RFK, Jr.

"I've never seen a brain freeze this bad"

I don't care if it's your brother, your sister, your daddy or mommy... turn them in. And Krusty will send you a free slide whistle like Sideshow Bob's!

There's no such thing as a soul. It's just something they made up to scare kids... like the boogeyman, or Michael Jackson.

"Wouldn't you know, false alarm. It seems a single wayward crow flew into our warning system." "Well sir, your point about nuclear hysteria is well taken. This reporter promises to be more trusting and less vigilant in the future."

Everybody at the theatre next week.

Hey cat, get your own pants!

Now, we all know the 13 stripes are for good luck, but why does the American flag have precisely 47 stars?

28 years since Homer started to paint his car hole.