So, this dude cheated on me. I let it slide, gave him another shot. A month later, I catch him at it again. I’m like, “Are you fucking kidding me? Again?”

He shrugs, all smug, and goes, “Well, you didn’t leave last time. Figured you were cool with it.”

I was done. But before I walked out for good, I left him a little goodbye gift. Took a literal shit on a plate, slid it into his fridge like it’s gourmet dining. Pinned a note on the door: “Your farewell feast awaits inside.”

#cheater #revenge #savage #breakup

My Father Seduced My Bride-to-Be

Tomorrow was supposed to be the day I tied the knot. There's this dumbass superstition about sleeping apart the night before the wedding, so I figured I’d crash at a buddy’s place and leave my girl at my parents’ house. Everything seemed chill; I kissed her goodbye, buzzing with excitement for the big day, hopped in my car, and took off. Halfway there, it hits me like a brick—I forgot my damn wedding suit. So, I turn around and head back. As I creep up to the door, I hear some wild moans. I nudge the door open, quiet as a mouse, and what do I see? My mom’s just chilling in the kitchen, sipping coffee like nothing’s wrong, while in the next room, my old man is straight-up banging my soon-to-be wife, balls deep, no shame. I’m standing there, jaw on the floor, utterly fucked in the head, and stumble over to my mom. She just looks up, cool as hell, and hands me… Wanna know what happens next? Keep reading.

#betrayal #familydrama #weddingdisaster #wtf

So, I decided to doll up my bestie, turning her face into my personal canvas. I’ve been itching to practice makeup on real people, dreaming of slaying as a pro makeup artist. Just as I was putting the final touches on her killer look, blending that eyeshadow like a goddamn artist, my grandma barges in. She takes one look at us and drops a bombshell: “If you’re heading out to work the streets, don’t forget the rubbers, girls!” My friend, quick as a whip, fires back with a smirk, “Nah, we’re good, Granny, we’re on the pill!” (Total joke, obviously.)

Long story short, I’m now grounded till the end of summer, locked up like a prisoner in my own damn house. FML. ?

#makeupdrama #groundedlife #grandmajokes #wtf